Girl, You Got it All Wrong
I sat staring at the TV in complete shock last week as Deleware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell made a wicked, sad fool of herself. I wanted to leap through the television and shut her up — not for her clear lack of knowledge of law and current events or even for her politics — but moreover, for her gross embarrassment to me as a woman. For that dishonor alone, I’m sure my high school Women’s Studies professor is cringing with distain.
I am a woman with a bias. I vote for women if I can. It’s just the way I roll. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s my history attending an extraordinarily feminist school; maybe it is me in the footsteps of my entrepreneur mother; maybe for my love of the underdog or the passion I have to raise my daughter with an equal balance of femininity and balls-out strength. My first inclination during election season is to seek out the female candidates and support them if I can. It might not be right, but it’s what I do. The only problem is, it’s hard to stand behind female candidates that are neither feminine nor brilliant. Christine, Meg, Carly, even you, Barbara: you are letting me down.
Somehow I expect that women will conduct themselves better in business and politics than men. I expect to see issues discussed cleanly, clearly and honestly. I expect a strong debate, filled with valid inflammatory topics and solid political banter. I want a good battle, an honest fight and die-hard representation of the things that make each candidate passionate about their role in the political theater. With the exception of being pro choice, I am willing to accept almost every political view, but I am not willing to accept unladylike conduct.
Meg Whitman, one of our local female CEOs has a wildly different position on politics than I do, but that’s not why I’m disappointed. It’s the wretched thievery of content, the nasty, dirty advertising smears, the red-faced head-shaking fury of a woman on the brink of leadership. A leader doesn’t mistreat employees, whether they are execs at eBay or illegal house keepers. Leadership for women is the opposite of that — using the cortisol in our brains to our distinct advantage, not disadvantage to others. I don’t want PollyAnna for a politician, but at the same I’ve known insiders who say Whitman is a true witch — and not the good corporate kind that all of us female entrepreneurs secretly want to be. Oh Meg, you leave me no choice but to vote for the liberal, bald-headed Jerry Garcia wanna be. You let me down.
The national political stage for women has been set for this year’s election and it’s ugly. Our women in leadership seem to have lost their ability to woo an audience as women. Even Sarah Palin has lost her ladylike manner, replacing it with texting lingo “Pls” for “please”, making up words like ‘refudiate’ and finishing everything with an exclamation point or two!! Fading to the background are ladies in politics including the formidable Condoleezza Rice whose grace never, ever tarnished, despite the trepidatious environment of international unrest, war and the endless hinting at being gay. I am not a fan of Rice’s politics, but female politicians can take note: Dress appropriately, behave like a lady, speak intelligently or do not speak, fight like hell for what you believe in.
What is a woman wanting to support women in politics to do? I will not spend my vote or even so much as slow down my Tivo fastforward on women who play dirty politics. I expect more from women. I expect civility, respect and, most of all, I expect you to represent me as both a woman, an executive and a voter with dignity.
I am left, sadly, candidateless this election term, reminded again of the great importance of The WhiteHouse Project and Girls Rock the House.
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If I… Were a First-Time Female Entrepreneur
I wish I could go back in time. Not to tell my first boyfriend that his teeth really did bug me; not to revisit the moment my children were born; not even to undo all the terrible things I did to my parents as a kid. If I could go back in time, I’d approach my work life a lot differently from the get-go. If I were a first-time female entrepreneur, I would:
1. Go to email writing bootcamp. Learning to communicate comes with the territory of learning to do business. Women in business today misinterpret friendly communication with friend communication. Your colleagues are not your pals, and even if they are, email is not meant to be the grounds for planning happy hour while asking for an .xls report. I’m not sure how drawing hearts over an “i” or smiley faces after our names somehow translated to appropriate communication tactics for women in business, but if you are guilty of it, you need to stop.
Here are my tips for proper female email communication (a) Get rid of any exclamation points in your email. Unless Chicken Little was right and the sky is falling, you do not need exclamation points to communicate your urgency or excitement over work issues (b) Forget any icons, shorthand, webspeak. Using TTYL in a work email is not only lazy, it’s disrespectful. Same goes for smiley faces. If you want a work colleague to know you are happy :), cheeky ;) or pissed-off :(, then you need to walk over to them and let them read your body language. More on body language later… (c) Never cross business and personal communication. Although it’s really cool that your workmate’s wife is in your spin class, work email is not a place to address such things. Refrain from finishing or opening your email with “Robyn said you had a great weekend…” — not unless of course, you want your email recipient to get mixed messages on the purpose of your communication. (d) Never say “much” or “love” unless you’re emailing with your mom. Blow off the “thanks so much,” and “I’d love the opportunity.” Never, and I mean never position yourself as weak or desperate. The next time you to go sign an email, “Thanks so much!” think of me. And then, delete.
2. Using body language will generally work — but is it what you really want? I made a huge mistake during the funding of our first company. There was an investor who had the hots for @la_gringa and, as it were, he was a likely investor, a Silicon Valley insider and hot entrepreneur. We knew he liked blondes, we knew he was married, but during a investment pitch dinner, we intentionally flanked him with the two blondes in our company, dressed hot as you can imagine and ready to do business. In the end, we got what we wanted from him — a commitment to look at our company as an investment and a promise to introduce us to others who could too. And then, he stood up from the table and led @la_gringa outside to invite her to his hotel alone for a drink. And there it was. The pickle that we caused by using our female assets to gain traction in business. It took all three of us to get her out of that nightmare and, in the end, it made an uncomfortable situation an unbearable one. The business was strong enough to be funded without trolling in high heels up Sand Hill road. In the end, we didn’t get the investment. Learn from me on this one: you can woo an investor with your body language, but chances are, it’s not what’s best for your start-up.
3. Be a Social Light, not Socialite. The work that you do outside of your business to network both online and offline can truly help make or break you in entrepreneurship. Think about a few things before you engage: what are your goals for attending? What’s your elevator pitch? Who is your buddy? What social media tools are you going to use? Are you selling yourself as a brand or your company as a brand? Are you out for a drink and to get picked up? Don’t even lie to me, I know this one way too well. No matter how you cut it, you are being sized-up in social scenarios. I always attend the Silicon Valley Tweetups. Why? Because some of my friends are there and I want to see them. I can go have a couple glasses of wine and chat in the corner with my friends. But you, you, little Miss-Hot-To -Trot-First-Time-Entrepreneur, you can’t.
Here’s how to be a Social Light First Time Entrepreneur, in no particular order: Look good * Take a work colleague with you, preferably a man * Sip on a single drink * Practice a casual elevator pitch * Have business cards with you (NO PINK BUSINESS CARDS) * Target three people to meet during the event * Ask questions about the said target’s work * Find anyone with the letters VC in their job title and watch how they operate * Make an introduction or two, it’s good for positioning * Leave before the crowd dies down * Send follow-up emails the next morning to your new contacts, add them to your database.
Here’s what you should gain from being a Social Light: A clean, crisp communication of your business, a brand association between you and your business to others in the industry, potential contacts, some learning on other companies and — if only slightly — better understanding on how to approach VCs. Social. Light. Female.
4. Find your tribe. The truth is, female entrepreneurs doing it right are rare. It’s helpful to find others who share your value system in business. It’s also highly valuable to find male entrepreneurs who you can take a lead from too. A recent deal required me to be working in the baggage claim area of SFO. I sat on the floor madly typing, searching for WiFi, using two phones and my computer, looking like a complete freak working a deal for a client. It hit me rather suddenly: There is no man on earth that would do this. I started saying outloud to a colleague: “What would a MAN do right now?” I sent a text message saying that I’d be available in an hour. I shut my computer and I walked out. My phone rang off the hook. I ignored it. Male entrepreneurs do things differently than females — learning the subtleties and taking a cue when to apply them is key to business strategy. Find a tribe of executives like you and you’ll find the resources and learnings are endless.
I’ve noticed over the past decade that women in entrepreneurship tend to emasculate their roles, and with reason: Silicon Valley is still very much a boys club. It’s an extraordinary challenge, but one that can be navigated with grace. Managing businesses with restraint and femininity can win both clients and respect. Lest we forget, ladies: You are your brand.
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HRC Baby, You Know Me
I feel like I need to get this on “paper” for my daughter: Thank you Hillary Clinton for your work tonight. You represented me, my mother and my daughter so well. You made history tonight; feminine, a pro, direct, American, a class act. I can’t imagine what it was like tonight for you. But I’ll tell you what it did in this family:
“Eighteen million cracks in the ceiling,” makes it just a tiny bit easier for my girl to blast through it someday.
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Side Gigs
