Coupon Me, Already
Two years ago I started clipping coupons. In retrospect, I have no idea why. In two months I saved $2 total on anything I really cared about. Cross-referencing that against my hourly rate, I lost about $200. What a crock. It took me another year to figure out that coupons aren’t meant for girls like me. Call it coupon discrimination: there’s no coupons for my kind.
Build me a coupon system, already. I’m a paying customer with a willingness to engage with your brand and risk trying new ones if they fit into my lifestyle. Want a hint? Do this:
1. I eat organic food, I never buy crap. If you are doing any data mining of any kind, you would know this, at least by deductive reasoning. Will you, for the love of all trans-fats, please stop emailing me with photos of the Pillsbury Doughboy? That means, no “Buy three get one free on crescent rolls”, no ready-made cookie dough and no canned frosting in four raunchy flavors.
2. Find out about me. Like all women, I want to be wanted. I like unsalted almonds after a good run. I drink soy milk and tons of fresh fish. Got a deal on wild coho salmon? I’m there! I am willing to play the game, even use my time to do it, but you have to get to the ballpark. I like what I like and I’m willing to pay for it. I’ll spend more if you entice me. Speak to me about Omega-3s and I’m all yours. It’s not hard to find me. Track my purchasing habits and spit out some coupon other than Metamucil, Lunchables and canned fruit.
3. I have children, they are not in diapers. Oh, poor Enfamil, pity poor pathetic Similac, you are wasting your big-dollar samples on me?! You fools! You don’t have a database that’s smart enough to tell you that my children are 7-years-old!? You’ve been sending me diapers and formula for eight years. What freak has twin infants for eight years? Lead nurturing = fail. Upsell me, you silly self-obsessed brands. I would buy Zone bars from Abbot Nutrition, the makers of Similac, but the fools are two single-minded to figure out to to move me through the process.
4. I will not clip jack. I will not cut out little pieces of paper and stick them in my handbag only to use them to dispose of half-chewed gum. If you want me, you come and get me in my playground: the Internet. Load my Safeway card, link to my eScrip and hook me up with mobile alerts, but please, do us both a favor, don’t bother sending me mail, crazy software downloads or silly hoop-jumping junk. Make it easy for me and I’ll hook you up — loyalty included. But don’t think I’ve got one more second for coupon-clipping crap. I don’t.
5. Speak with me. If I engage you, even once, don’t make silly assumptions and target me with five more kinds of rice cereal, instead, ask me why I buy rice cereal. You speak with me — even once — and I’m more likely to engage with your brand. Survey me, use me as a beta tester, play with me in social media. You know how to do it, why aren’t you?
I picked up a prescription today and five coupons popped out. The pharmacist laughed, “Like you need these!,” she said. Boy, was she right.
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Is Boyscouts Morally Wrong for Us?
My kids have two moms. As you can imagine, this does not bode well for anything super right-wing. So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I found out that my kid would not be welcome as a Boy Scout.
I knew that there would be places and people along the way that could pose issues for my child from having been born to same-sex parents. I had done my homework. It was only after a lot of research, thought, prayer, self-torture that I decided to have children by an anonymous sperm donor. As my children began growing up, I prepared myself and them for the day that we might be ostracized. And now, at the ripe age of 6 1/2, the day is here: My son wants to be a BoyScout.
I knew before I had children that being in the Boy Scouts was a likely no-go because of their (shockingly legal) stand on gay people. What I didn’t account for was that my son would want to be a Boy Scout so badly that I’d have to consider foregoing my own moral standards, and consider my son’s desire to be part of an organization that discriminates against his parents.
If you don’t know the back-story, here’s the brief recap: In 2000, the Supreme Court ruled (Boy Scouts of America vs. Dale) that The Boy Scouts of America was a private organization and could set whatever criteria they wanted for their membership. Today, the organization legally prohibits Atheists, Agnostics and Gay people. The organization fought to uphold the right to ban and refuse membership to any of the above. The ruling stands today.
My son is the grandchild of two Eagle Scouts who, by all accounts with the exception of faith, follow the Boy Scout creed and, indeed, are two of the most moral people I have ever known. To follow in their footsteps would be a great honor and my son believes with all of his heart that he will grow up to be like his granddads and obtain the very special honor of Eagle Scout. My first question was to my step dad who told me that the national organization had little to do with the local troops — it was all about the scout master and not about the politics. He might be right.
When I contacted our local troop leader, she replied with the following:
“ Pack *** is a family centered group, our focus and concern is with the child and welcome any boy wanting to participate in scouting. Our Pack does not discriminates against anyone due to their color, race, or religious practices. We encourage active participation of all family members regardless of what makes up a scouts family. We do not address private, personal, or political issues at the pack level. That is not our focus, again, the scout is our focus and concern. I hope to see your son there and look forward to meeting you.”
This gave me great hope, and I planned a date to take my son to his first meeting. That was until I was sent the 2010 Boy Scouts of America Bylaws, which states:
“We believe that homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the requirement in the Scout Oath that a Scout be morally straight and in the Scout Law that a Scout be clean in word and deed and homosexuals do not provide a desirable role model for Scouts.”
With that creed in-tow, a two-mom family’s son was kicked out of boy scouts in Vermont in 2009. It was followed by a deep decline in membership and loss of sponsorship including the United Way, director and Eagle Scout Steven Spielberg, Levi Strauss, Chase Bank and CVS. Entire states withdrew annual contributions. Religious organizations including the United Church of Christ, the Secular Coalition of America, and the Unitarian Universalists all issued statements indicating that any form of discrimination was against the teachings of Christ.
Despite all of this support, I remain confused about our decision about whether or not to allow our son to participate in Boy Scouts. I never want my child deprived of anything because of my personal choices. My partner and I talked about what to do. Do we want to roll the dice and allow him to participate, knowing that he could get kicked out? Should we try and divert efforts to something like Adventure Guides, the YMCA version of Boy Scouts? I have friends who have refused to be a part of Boy Scouts because it discriminates openly; are we hypocritical if we don’t follow suit?
Last week we sat down with our boy and explained to him the basic facts as cleanly and with as little opinion as we could muster. After he told us that he would karate chop anybody that didn’t like his two moms, he told us simply, “I want to go for it anyway. I know they could kick me out.”
The decision is here, yet I’m unable to make it without reservation. The Boy Scout law states that: “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.” Oh, the hypocrisy — if only the Boy Scout organization acted with the same vigor of their Law, then my son could have the chance to follow in the footsteps of their granddads and be an Eagle.
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Side Gigs
